Should Governments Fund Public Libraries? — essay by ech0pik

band · estimate

0.0

cefr

words

time

32:36

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mistakes

target C1 · below target

C1 · ielts essay · Should Governments Fund Public Libraries? · by ech0pik

task

In many countries, fewer people are using public libraries because information is now available online. Some people therefore believe that governments should spend this money on other public services instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

mistake|

As far as I know, not each book, article or newspaper could be found at the internet. At least there not much legal resources comparing with its demand. Required information could be found at phisycal paper, but nowadays they are not fully accessable for each person. Public libraries partialy solving those issues. At this point appears questoin should government sposorshihp public libraries. There are two polar opposite solutions. From one side of hand, government must provide people with sources of information. It is crusual not only because of citizens should be graduated or educated, but acts of sposorship also are neseccary steps in fights with destribution of illegal sources of information at the internet. This is a point I feel closer. From the other side, there is reasonably other point, governmets could bring those money in other public services like medicine, schools and so on. I find this point of view incorrect from its origin. Federal budget must be evaluated in right proportions with all public services from begining. In addition, nowadays there is still big share of old people who using public services and they need in it. Therefore I see this point irrational. I am a teenager and currently study at the univercity. There are many disciplines to learn. Univercity has not its own library and I can not affrod expensive books, so I use public libraries at least two or three times at week. This is a one of reasons I see governments sopsorhip is a crucial aspect of my life.

The essay gives a personal view on the library question and uses paragraphs, but the position is not stated clearly at the start and the arguments are hard to follow. Ideas are short and often unexplained, and frequent language errors make several sentences difficult to understand. This is a basic B1-level response that does not yet meet the C1 target.

criteria

You answer the question and make your opinion clear: you support public libraries and disagree with spending the money on other services. However, some reasons are short or not well supported, and the essay does not end with a clear conclusion. To improve, explain each reason more fully and finish by restating your position.

for band 7: For Band 7, the response would need a clear position carried through to a logical conclusion and each main idea extended with explanation and supported by example or evidence. Here, several ideas are under-developed, support is mostly general or limited to one personal example, and the ending does not provide a proper conclusion.

Your essay does move in a clear order: introduction, one side, the other side, and your own example. However, the linking phrases you use are sometimes wrong or repeated, and it is not always clear what words like 'it' and 'this point' refer to. Practise writing short, clear topic sentences and using simple linkers correctly, and make sure every pronoun points back to something obvious.

for band 7: For Band 7 the response would need a wider range of cohesive devices used flexibly, with clear reference and substitution, plus a clearly ordered internal progression in each paragraph. Here the signposting is mechanical or faulty ('From one side of hand', 'At this point appears...'), reference is sometimes unclear ('they need in it'), and grammar often blurs the connections between sentences, so cohesion is not yet well managed.

Your vocabulary is understandable, but it is quite basic and there are many spelling mistakes and unnatural phrases, for example 'at the internet' and 'From one side of hand'. Try learning correct word partnerships and checking spellings of key words like 'sponsorship', 'necessary' and 'university'. This will make your writing clearer and more precise.

for band 6: To reach Band 6, the response needs more adequate and appropriate vocabulary with fewer basic spelling and word-formation errors, plus better control of common collocations such as 'on the internet' and 'on the one hand'. At present the range is limited and inappropriate choices are frequent.

You try to use some complex sentences, which is good. However, many grammar mistakes make your ideas hard to understand, especially with word order, verb forms, articles and punctuation. Practise checking each sentence for a main verb and correct punctuation, and proofread for spelling.

for band 6: For Band 6, the response needs a real mix of simple and complex sentences whose errors rarely impede communication. Here complex structures are usually faulty, and frequent grammar and punctuation errors make several sentences hard to follow; error-free sentences are not frequent enough.

level up these sentences

As far as I know, not each book, article or newspaper could be found at the internet.
Not every book, article or newspaper is available online; many valuable sources remain accessible only in print.
The original is hard to understand because of 'not each', 'could be found' and 'at the internet'. The new version uses accurate grammar and a clearer, more academic phrase.
From one side of hand, government must provide people with sources of information.
On the one hand, governments have a duty to give citizens free access to reliable information.
The linking phrase is corrected and 'must provide people with sources' becomes a more natural, formal expression of the same idea.
I am a teenager and currently study at the univercity. There are many disciplines to learn. Univercity has not its own library and I can not affrod expensive books, so I use public libraries at least two or three times at week.
As a university student, I study many subjects, yet my university has no library of its own and I cannot afford expensive textbooks; as a result, I use the public library two or three times a week.
The short, choppy sentences are joined with a clear cause-and-effect link, and the grammar and spelling are corrected, making the example much more convincing.
This is a one of reasons I see governments sopsorhip is a crucial aspect of my life.
This experience is one reason why I believe government funding for libraries is essential, both for students like me and for the wider community.
The original sentence is grammatically broken and very narrow ('my life'). The improved version is accurate and widens the argument beyond personal experience.

vocabulary

and so on→such as healthcare and education, including transport and housing, among others
'And so on' is too informal and vague for academic writing; name real examples instead.
big share→a significant proportion, a substantial segment, a large number
'Big' is a basic adjective; use 'significant' or 'substantial' with 'share/proportion' in this kind of essay.
money→public funds, financial resources, the budget
'Money' is too general in a discussion about government spending; use the more precise nouns above.
nowadays→today, currently, in recent years
'Nowadays' is overused in essays. Vary it with 'currently' or 'in recent years'.
point of view→argument, position, stance, perspective
When you refer to a side of a debate, 'argument' or 'position' is more accurate than 'point of view'.
sources of information→information resources, research materials, reliable databases
The phrase is repeated and vague; more specific terms show a wider lexical range.

strengths

+ A clear paragraph structure is used (introduction, arguments, counter-argument, personal example), which shows awareness of essay organisation.
+ The writer takes a definite side and keeps that position consistent from the second paragraph onwards.
+ The counter-argument is at least mentioned before being rejected, showing an attempt at balanced discussion.
+ The personal example about being a university student without a library gives a concrete, relevant detail.

Meaning & structure

6 issues · click to show in text

Recommendations

most important first

1
State your position clearly in the introduction
Rewrite the opening paragraph so that the last sentence directly answers the question ('I largely disagree because...'). The examiner should know your view after reading paragraph one.
2
Use one idea per paragraph, with explanation and example
For each body paragraph, write a topic sentence, then explain why it is true (2-3 sentences), then add an example. This is what raises Task Response and Coherence.
3
Learn and use accurate linking words
Replace 'From one side of hand' and 'there is reasonably other point' with 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', 'However', 'Furthermore'. Use one linker per idea, not several together.
4
Proofread for grammar and word forms
Check subject-verb agreement, verb forms after 'who', articles, and spelling of key topic words (sponsorship, crucial, physical, accessible, afford). Reading the essay aloud will help you catch missing words.
5
Build topic vocabulary and avoid vague phrases
Replace 'money', 'big share', 'and so on' with precise words such as 'public funds', 'a significant proportion', 'including healthcare and education'. Keep a short list of 15-20 words for this topic.